Why I haven’t been writing this year
I haven’t written since the beginning of the year because my mother started dying mid-January. She completed the process on March 23. I’ve been going through a lot. It’s hard to lose a mother when you are close. It is excruciating in a different way when the relationship is terrible. (If you’ve read my book, you know she had a borderline personality disorder.) All the old hurts came flying up and have had to be gone through. BWITSY has come in handy!
Often the hidden blessing of someone’s passing is that families pull together. They mend old fences and support each other during this time. Blessed are those families! Unfortunately, both my father and one of my brothers are personality-disordered as well. This whole process has been needlessly and imaginatively hurtful, including that I found that I’d been written out of her will over a decade ago. Everyone knew but me.
So I’ve had to deal with feeling like an idiot for continuing to try to mend relationships, when in reality I only kept myself in the whipping-post position. And I’ve felt badly for putting my own, true family through all my angst for nothing.
The good news is that, I can feel myself going through a huge transition to a much more centered, freed, and empowered life (you didn’t think I did this work from afar, did you? We teach best what we have to learn.) I’ve been feeling, and working on, an entirely new internal foundation that is rising as these waves of memories and sensations subside. Living proof that it is possible to move beyond trauma!
If you or someone you know has had to deal with terrible events, get the book From Hurt to Joy: how to transform self-defeating patterns with Energy Dynamics.It truly is more powerful than any other book on the subject.